


It Was The Day

by shitiboikora



Category: Haikyuu!
Genre: Depressed Tsukishima Kei, Doctor Kuroo Tetsurou to the rescue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 07:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14587731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitiboikora/pseuds/shitiboikora
Summary: This story contains scenes that some readers may find disturbing.It is also not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.





	It Was The Day

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains scenes that some readers may find disturbing.
> 
> It is also not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

He always knew from the beginning that he was _not_ normal. He stood in front of the mirror that reflected him. If mirrors would have the capability of reflecting to what's inside his brain, maybe that could ease him a bit. He stared long and hard at his pitiful reflection.

His blond hair was in a mess. The dark, circular bags under his eyes have become very prominent as nights pass by. He told himself that he would be alright, and tonight will be the night he will complete his full 8 hour sleep. But he was wrong.

His eyes traveled down to his chest, as his skin hug his ribs very tightly as if it would poke out of his body already. Yamaguchi always told him to eat, but he would always reply that 'I'm still full'.

Then his eyes traveled to his arms. From the mirror, he brought his eyes down to look at his hands. _Ah_. He used to play volleyball in high school. He secretly loved the numbness his arms would feel whenever his blocks would be hit by a spike. The feeling he wanted his whole body to feel right now. 

His fingers traced the lines he drew on his arms. There are a few which are still healing, but there are many that has already healed. But his head was still playing games with him. He could again the voice at the back of his head telling him to draw more, but deeper than before.

Tsukishima could not remember when. The memory of the day when he started to cut himself was foggy, but the reason why was vividly imprinted in his bare soul. 

**_He was not enough. He is a failure. He let his team down._ **

It was their last year in the club, and they were given the last chance to step on the national stage once more. They were on their final match and final point, and his team were already on their limit. The last spike was blasted through their block like it was nothing, and they went home crying.

Oh, Tsukishima did not cry. He went home feeling empty, dazed and still remembering what went wrong. He puts his worthless arms in front of him and clenched his fist. The numbness, he could not feel no more. He mindlessly reached for the scissors which was placed on the drawer. He stretched out his left hand and placed in down, while on his right, the pair of scissors glinting dangerously. To be numb of all the anguish, he just had to do it. _It was the day Tsukishima could not find volleyball fun anymore._

The time were Yamaguchi noticed that he started cutting himself was when they were at the graduation ceremony. The freckled boy felt horrified and really mad at that time, that's why he had set up rules and removed all of the sharp things away from him. It made him stop, but _old habits die hard._

He was on his third year of college when Akiteru was diagnosed with leukemia. Tsukishima made sure he would never let that ugly feeling take over him again, but he was wrong. Minutes after his graduation ceremony, his mother called him to tell him that his brother had left them. _It was the day Tsukishima had let himself fall once again in the pit of misery._

A year and a half had already passed, but he bearing the pain was too much.  He barely talk to his friends anymore. He barely step out of his apartment anymore. Yamaguchi referred him to counseling, which the blond had turned down politely 

_Today, Tsukishima had decided to take his life away._

He dressed up in his warm clothes, and had eaten half a plate of rice and curry. He brought his phone and a small white envelope on his pocket.

Tsukishima looked around his apartment. He slowly took in the memories this place had. _Hinata's confession to Kageyama, his 22nd birthday party which ended up everyone being too drunk, the messy movie marathons Yamaguchi would organize..._

He exhaled before turning around and locking his apartment. He took his apartment keys with him, and it jingled safely in his pocket. Tsukishima walked a little bit further, which led him to the busy city. Cars running in speed no one would ever imagine. 

He walked near the pedestrian lane. The street lights blared red, and people around him started to walk to get to the other side. Soon, he thought. He would be on the other side too.

He closed his eyes. His heart was pounding on his chest and his hands felt cold. He lulled himself to peace, trying to shut out the voices that was urging him to do it.

The street lights turned green. 

He opened his eyes and embraced the fate he would bring upon himself. A loud screech was heard. Lights flared dangerously but he could not careless.

A loud thud was heard. 

Tsukishima fell onto the ground, his eyesight blurry, and felt a coppery tase in his mouth. Warm blood trickled on his forehead, and numbness welcomed him.

-

_"I swear to God this idiot, god damn it Tsukishima!"_

_"Tsukki please wake up..."_

_"Why would he do this? Why didn't he call for help?"_

Tsukishima heard muffled cries around him. His eyes were still close, but he swore he just woke up. _I...I'm alive_ , he asked himself confused.

He opened his eyes and white entered his vision. The lights were a little bit blinding, therefore his eyes squinted a bit trying to adjust at the lighting.

"W-Where am I?"

That came out hoarsely than what he expected. He saw heads immediately twist to look at him and they rushed over him.

On his field of vision came in Yamaguchi. The green gaired boy was a crying mess. His eyes were bloodshot, snot on his nose and dried tears were very visible.

"Tsukki you idiot! I told you to call me whenever you feel that way! You never had to go that far!" Yamaguchi yelled.

A flash of orange appeared. "Tsukishima you smartass! Don't go dying on us you prick!" Hinata was crying, and Kageyama was behind him.

"You don't need to be scared of telling us what you feel, Tsukki! I swear to God I almost killed myself too while driving on my way here!" 

After years, a knowing feeling had come over him. The numbness was gone, and it was good. Sometimes we don't need to feel numb to be void of pain. Sometimes we need to feel pain, as if trying to let us remember that we are humans.

For the first time in years, Tsukishima cried. His eyes closed while tears are falling, his lips quivering as he let out a sob.

"I'm sorry... Yamaguchi... Everyone... I'm sorry that I am so weak that I could not fight this anymore... i'm sorry I made you worry..." His voice cracked.

"Definitely you need to be sorry you idiot!" Yamaguchi exclaimed. They were all muffling a sob, trying to keep it down.

That day on the hospital, Tsukishima cried out all of his heartaches to his friends. It was a day Tsukishima felt okay after years, and his heart was lighter.

-

His shoes clacked against the hospital floor. He ran his fingers to his hair nervously and bit his lower lip. Yamaguchi was in front him, and looked back to check if his friend is still there.

"Don't be scared, Tsukki. Everything will be alright," His bestfriend started. "This is for the best, don't worry. Hinata and Kageyama will be waiting for us after you finished this session."

Tsukishima nodded in response. They stopped their tracked infront of a door where there are cats drawn infront. His brows furrowed. I am supposed to be counseled by cats? He asked himself. 

Yamaguchi urged him to go inside. His hands touched the cold door knob and looked one last time at his bestfriend before going inside.

The smell of jasmine entered his nostrils and calmed his nerves. A man clad in a doctor's lab gown smiled at him and motioned for him to sit. Tsukishima claimed the sit in front of the man, and tapped his foot anxiously.

_Dr. Kuroo Tetsurou, Psychologist._

He read the name on the desk. The man in front of him had unruly hair, tanned skin, and is definitely good looking. 

"Hello, Tsukishima-san," the man said. "Or would you like me to call you just Tsukki instead?" he grinned. Tsukishima's eyes narrowed. "Please don't call me Tsukki. Tsukishima is just fine."

"Please tell me about yourself." He calmly asked. Tsukishima froze and fiddled with his fingers. He could not find words to answer the question.

Silence fell. He felt like the doctor was observing him carefully. Tsukishima lifted his eyes to meet brown ones. Kuroo smiled and pulled a clipboard from his drawer.

"Go on, we have all the time in this world so do take your time." 

Tsukishima felt bothered by that. He wanted this session to be finished because he felt uncomfortable.

"I loathe myself." 

Kuroo whistled. "That's a big word huh? But sure, go on."

Tsukishima's head almost cocked to the side. He dropped his eyes down and continued. "I was in high school when I started to cut myself... But my bestfriend had stopped me from doing more so until..." his breath hitched. "My brother died."

Kuroo was silent. Only his eyes were directed into him as if telling himself to go on.

"I...I am worthless... And I don't think I  should not live anymore... that'd why a few days ago I tried to kill myself..."

Tsukishima looked back and he was met with those lovely eyes. What the hell? This man in front of him should be doing something about this!

"Ah, you must be thinking that 'ah, this guy is a doctor of psychology and he should be the one to do the talking' and other stuff like that," Kuroo said, which left Tsukishima wide eyed. 

"You see, Tsukki-"

"Don't call me that."

"-shima, I did this method for a lot of patients, and it came quite effective. You see, you can be the only one that could notice or somehow get a hint on what should you do. I am here to guide and help you, but you are the one that will be making decisions." 

The blond nodded.

"So Tsukki, what do you want to do?" Kuroo asked.

"I want to stop this please. I don't want to feel this bad anymore," Tsukishima sounded very desperate. Kuroo nodded. "Alright then..."

Tsukishima listened. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. He did not seem to have paid attention to the time since he felt like he had a good time talking with this man. Kuroo Tetsurou, was it?

"Thank you." He said. Kuroo waved his hands. "No problem and hey, it's my job."

"Can I still... come here?" Tsukishima asked. He felt like he wanted to see him more often. There's just something about this man... that made Tsukishima feel this way.

Kuroo grinned. "Yeah, Yamaguchi had set you up for 10 sessions," Tsukishima nodded once more before bowing down and make his way to the door. He was about to open tge door when Kuroo had spoken.

"Oh, probably make it 11?" Kuroo asked. Tsukishima whipped his head to Kuroo's direction with his forehead creasing. "What's the other one for?"

"Maybe I could take you out to a date or so?" The sly man smirked. Tsukishima felt blood rushing through his cheeks.

"You're crazy."

"I'm not, some of my patients are, probably." He swore he could see Kuroo smile right now.

"See you then, next time." He said before leaving the room. He closed the door behind him and he could feel his heart pounding on his chest.

_And it was the day Tsukishima had his heart stolen._


End file.
